Help your teens problem solve.
Have you ever heard the marriage advice that says you don’t want to tell your spouse what to do, you want to plant ideas in their mind to make them feel like they came up with the idea? The same applies for teenagers.
Whether they’ve come to you for advice because they’re not sure what to do in a situation, or you see them struggling and want to offer your advice, resist the urge! Ask questions to “get curious“ to guide them to come up with the solution themselves.
I have not always been great at this, but these reminders help me specifically. I remember one time my child came home frustrated that a friend of theirs was making fun of them in a group setting, and the mama bear came out!
I started ripping this friend apart, I had all kinds of suggestions for what they “should“ do. But guess what? My child did not like me knocking down their friend, they were confused by their treatment, but they didn’t want to enlist in shredding them apart as I was doing. I eventually learned to calm down and through question asking, they came to a better solution.
This is how they build confidence, through their own problem-solving. When they see that they can come up with a solution, even if they are guided through the questions we ask, it boosts them up to feel like they can conquer more challenging obstacles in the future.
👉Do you have a story like mine, were you wished you got curious instead of furious?
Here’s what the community had to say:
- “Such great questions. Whenever I ask my teen what is the worst thing that can happen I like to ask them What is the best thing that can happen too?”
- “I ask Why a lot but end the question there. Not surprisingly I get a lot of “I don’t know” responses. I love the expansion of the Why question!”
- “Theses are SO good! My other favorite that doesn’t sound like you have some sort of judgment it alternative motive is “tell me more.”
- “These are such great questions that will lead us to “get curious instead of furious.” Love this!
I watched your class in @seek.christ.daily and absolutely loved it! Welcome to Colorado! I live here in Colorado too~ love it here. I’m sure you’ll love it too!😘”
The new Consider This: Confidence Building for Teens cards are here!